My pain is big but my love is bigger

My pain is large

Too big, too much and almost always never enough

But my love is just a little bit bigger

A little more spacious and a little bit tough

I’m probably the saddest happiest person you’d ever meet

Balancing both sides of the scales

Like a tempered leap

Navigating a dark decent in all my past tales

I’ve spent years wishing for death

But God always asks me to take one more breath

And my truth shifts

If not for one more time, I’m done with my bullshit

My pain has had the drivers seat

After diligently I trained it

To be kinder

And to not be afraid

Devoted I am to a path of truth

And to my demise

I was born into a life that didn’t harvest the fruit

As a sacrifice was needed to be claimed wise

I see it now

I see it now

I see it all now

and no, I don’t know how

Clarity is so freeing

And the truth is painful

Healing wounds and weaning

With the awareness of the fearless fool

If not for one more day, I choose to live

With what I have and my chances to rise

And if that means loving my pain to win

The more love can be realized

Even when it’s hard to stay

I dig down deep

In the shadows, where I’ve been betrayed

And embrace the fragments of wilder leaps

That danced in ballet slippers

Upset at her dad

And he comes to his knees and whispers

“You are worthy of much more than that!”

Judgement of character is who I am

As the stars shimmer and wink

I’m full of the spectrum

Pick a spot, there I have linked

The story of its resonance

Holds a truth that isn’t always safe

For the existence of this densely dance

When all my heart yearns for is steady pace

My truth is a cry

A devotion to purpose

Of my feelings and my why

To lead a life like a blooming rose

Death is a constant

Much like changes in the sea

Never will I once come back to this land

As the person I am today

Big, wild and bold— that, I am but not all

And deep intentions to love and hope

The very aspects of our unknown

Tucked away in a black lonely hole

Can be embraced once again

Just as we were always meant to be

Free in our voices and liberated of our minds

Loving our bodies and choosing to be free

Written by Anahata Kali