My pain is big but my love is bigger
My pain is large
Too big, too much and almost always never enough
But my love is just a little bit bigger
A little more spacious and a little bit tough
I’m probably the saddest happiest person you’d ever meet
Balancing both sides of the scales
Like a tempered leap
Navigating a dark decent in all my past tales
I’ve spent years wishing for death
But God always asks me to take one more breath
And my truth shifts
If not for one more time, I’m done with my bullshit
My pain has had the drivers seat
After diligently I trained it
To be kinder
And to not be afraid
Devoted I am to a path of truth
And to my demise
I was born into a life that didn’t harvest the fruit
As a sacrifice was needed to be claimed wise
I see it now
I see it now
I see it all now
and no, I don’t know how
Clarity is so freeing
And the truth is painful
Healing wounds and weaning
With the awareness of the fearless fool
If not for one more day, I choose to live
With what I have and my chances to rise
And if that means loving my pain to win
The more love can be realized
Even when it’s hard to stay
I dig down deep
In the shadows, where I’ve been betrayed
And embrace the fragments of wilder leaps
That danced in ballet slippers
Upset at her dad
And he comes to his knees and whispers
“You are worthy of much more than that!”
Judgement of character is who I am
As the stars shimmer and wink
I’m full of the spectrum
Pick a spot, there I have linked
The story of its resonance
Holds a truth that isn’t always safe
For the existence of this densely dance
When all my heart yearns for is steady pace
My truth is a cry
A devotion to purpose
Of my feelings and my why
To lead a life like a blooming rose
Death is a constant
Much like changes in the sea
Never will I once come back to this land
As the person I am today
Big, wild and bold— that, I am but not all
And deep intentions to love and hope
The very aspects of our unknown
Tucked away in a black lonely hole
Can be embraced once again
Just as we were always meant to be
Free in our voices and liberated of our minds
Loving our bodies and choosing to be free
Written by Anahata Kali